i am not my mother.
this came to me yesterday.
most women turn into their mothers. i feel this inevitability is directly tied to the age at which that woman marries. my mothers mother married the weekend after her high school graduation. my mother married weeks before her 21st birthday. i am now 26 with no vows in sight, but with the slightly profound realization that i am certainly not my mother. perhaps i never was going to be, though i feel most strongly now that no matter what, thats an unlikely end for me.
strange tho, that i am not my father either.
last night this line of thinking drew me down
down
down
until i came to something i couldnt name. something ayn rand has undoubtedly mulled over.
it went something like this:
i am not my mother
i am not my father
i am not even my relatives or ancestors
i am not any of my relationships
i am not my beauty
i am not my ugliness
i am not my gifts and skills
i am not my mistakes and misgivings
i am not my emotions
i am not my logic
i am not my experiences
i am not my goals and aspirations
i am not my education
i am not my bank account
i am not my resume
i am not my memories
i am not my friends
i am not my enemies
i am not the place i was raised
i am not the places ive been
i am not my insecurities
i am not my strengths
i am not my religion
i am not my sins
i am not my judgements
i am not my tolerances
i am not all good
i am not all bad
i am not all of any one thing.
but, this all begs the question:
what,
then,
is left
that i am?
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3 comments:
A soon-to-be owner of a motorcycle
A BIKER CHICK!
that's pretty cool
You should read "The Power of Now." It talks about how you are not any of those things you mentioned, you are you. I can't really explain it well, but its a good book in many aspects.
Nice thought experiment.
Maybe one of the "problems" with your list involves the attempt to define yourself using only nouns. I would like to see similar lists you might write describing what you "are" in terms of adjectives or, better yet, verbs.
No you "aren't" those things. But you DO do things.
Using only nouns causes you use passive voice, keeping you stationary and out of control. You might feel this way but it is not the way it is. If there is anything you "are" it is an agent capable of choice. This is important to remember.
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